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Frequent Aggressions - the child learns that aggression
wins, it is normal, it gets results. The child learns that power and
dominance are effective means for achieving what they want.
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Power Issues - the child learns that to have power you must
control everyone. They may feel that they must control or be controlled.
They learn that violence maintains that power and control.
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Moral Distortion - the child may believe that only one
person may be right, people are good or bad. The child's self esteem may be
based on being right, being good or perfect; they won't admit faults. Fear
of mistakes. Projection of blame.
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Inconsistent Limit Setting - the child experiences life as
sometimes punitive and sometimes permissive. The child may push limits
because of this inconsistency.
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Discounted feelings - the child denies their own feelings.
They become out of touch with their own feelings which may lead to
depression, somatic complains, and/or an inability to empathize. Often the
child has angry outbursts that appear out of proportion to what has
happened. The child may be triggered or overreact to situations based on
past trauma.
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Poor role-modeling - female children may learn to be all
forgiving/passive and submissive. They may use indirect communication and
consider themselves the cause of problems. For boys, they may see violence
as a control strategy. For both - intimacy may be seen as dangerous.
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Invalidation of Perceptions - the child learns to discount
their own reality.
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Adultifications - the child may appear pseudo mature. They
are often in a position of elevation above mother in the home hierarchy
which may result in disrespect for women (and their mother). The loss of
childhood leads to later rebellion.
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Feeling Unsafe - the child experiences one caretaker as
being dangerous, other helpless. The result can be anxiety, feeling unsafe
in the world.
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Isolations - The child feels like an outsider with others,
believing that they are the only ones who have lived in an abusive
situation.
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Secret Keeping - the child may not talk about what happened
at home for fear of ridicule, punishment and loss of credibility when
parents deny. Child witnesses may have a well developed sense of shame.
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Conflicted Loyalties - they are angry with their parents,
yet bonded to them. Often there is confusion and fear about protecting
mother and the resulting anger from their father.
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Responsibility - they feel responsible or at fault for the
family situation. A child who feels responsible may believe that they are
the cause of the abuse.
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Life outlook restricted - this could be dominated by longing
for change in people and social dynamics.
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Collusion to Prevent Harm - the child may attempt to prevent
and rescue in conflictual situations. They may provoke crisis in order to
attempt to resolve the crisis. May have poor skills for resolving conflict.
