Articles
Resiliency and Traits of a Healthy Family
Resiliency
Working with children who are living in what Peter Jaffey and others have
called a "war zone" can lead counsellors to feeling discouraged if
they see children returning to the battlefield rather
than being given an environment which engenders feelings of safety and
personal competence. The research on resiliency shows us that it is possible
for people who have experienced extensive early childhood trauma to break
the cycle and to learn to live productive rewarding lives. According to Wolin and Wolin (1993), "Survivors are like desert flowers that grow healthy
and strong in an emotional Wasteland. In barren and angry terrain they find
nourishment and frequently their will to prevail becomes the foundation for
a decent caring and productive adult life." (p.6)
Resiliency studies show that more children from high risk families become
competent and well adjusted than much of the earlier literature suggests.
Children who develop social competency, good problem-solving skills, an
internal locus of control, and a sense of hope about the future tend to be
more resilient. They seem to be able to distinguish between themselves and
their parents' dysfunction, an attribute known as adaptive distancing.
Wolin and Wolin suggest that we move from a "Damage Model" (concerned with
the lasting damage resulting from exposure to harmful influences early in
life) to a "Challenge Model" (emphasizing the capacity for self-repair
demonstrated by many survivors of childhood trauma). The message is to avoid
labeling self as damaged, to focus less on susceptibility to harm and more
on ability to rebound from adversity when it comes along. They identify the
following as resiliency strategies: insight, independence, relationships,
initiative, humor, creativity, and morality.
The role of the counsellor then becomes one of validating ego strengths as
well as pain induced by trauma, of identifying coping mechanisms and
problem-solving strategies which clients have used to rise above the
adversity, and of recognizing when clients have located other mentors to
balance the modeling of troubled families.
Not all children who witness wife assault experience extreme stress or
maladaptive coping styles. According to Dr. David Wolfe,
"Although approximately one third of the boys and one fifth of the girls in
the shelters (studied) were found to have symptoms falling in the clinical
range, a significant portion of the remaining children were showing fewer
negative symptoms and even above average strength in social competence and
adjustment" (Children of Battered Women, p.73).
A number of factors will contribute to or increase the severity of the
behavioral consequences.
These include:
Children who are able to either maintain a positive supportive relationship
with one of their parents, or are able to establish a supportive relationship
with friends, extended family members, and other trusted adults are more
likely to develop positive coping styles than children that are left on
their own to adapt to their home situations. Other factors that
can reduce the degree of stress on children include competence in school,
involvement in extracurricular activities, and strong peer relationships.
Children learn to cope with the distress that results from living in a
violent home in a number of ways. Research has shown that older children are
better able to cope than young children because they have more information
and resources available to them. They also have access to other adults and
peers who may be able to assist them. Younger children are more dependant
upon their parents to have their needs met and they are less able to
understand what is happening around them.
TRAITS OF A HEALTHY FAMILY
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Communicates and listens.
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Affirms and supports one another.
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Teachers respect for others.
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Develops a sense of trust.
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Has a sense of play and humor.
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Exhibits a sense of shared responsibility.
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Teaches a sense of right and wrong.
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Has a strong sense of family in which rituals and traditions abound.
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Has a balance of interaction among members.
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Has a shared sense of values.
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Respects the privacy of one another.
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Values service to others.
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Fosters honest conversations.
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Shares leisure time.
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Admits and seeks help with problems.
