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Listening and Communication Techniques
Effective Listening Techniques:
Stop Talking:
Your Job is to listen.
Empathize:
Try to put yourself in the other person's place.
Concentrate:
Focus on their words, ideas, feelings. Get rid of
distractions like paper, pens, jiggling change, etc.
Look at the Other Person:
Practice making good eye contact.
Try to Leave your Emotions Behind:
Your own worries, fears, anger can keep you from paying
attention.
Share the Responsibility:
If you do not understand something, ask for clarification.
React to the Idea not the Person:
The idea may be good, even if you don't like the person's
looks, attitude, or the actual person.
Listen to Know the Other Person:
Begin to find out what she/he likes, dislikes,
motivations, values and ideas.
Avoid Assumptions:
Don't assume words mean the same thing to everyone. Don't
assume you understand everything. Don't assume lack of eye contact means
evasion; that they are distorting something because they don't agree with
you; that they are unethical because they are very enthusiastic; that they
have no opinions because they are shy about expressing them. Remember,
cultural backgrounds make important contributions.
Don't Classify People:
Knowing the politics, personal lifestyles, religious beliefs
or jobs of people can be useful, but people don't fit neatly into slots.
Don't Antagonize:
Be aware of the effect that you have and adapt. Arguing,
criticizing, asking questions, taking or not taking notes, can all have an
effect.
Avoid Hasty Judgments:
Wait until all the facts are known.
Stop Planning what to say:
Don't argue mentally while they are speaking.
Recognize your Own Prejudices: Be aware of your own feelings toward the speaker, the issue.
Common Filters to Communication:
THE WHO FILTER
Sometimes we do not hear the whole message because we are concentrating on
who is speaking, not what they are saying. Because we may have had a bad
experience with someone in the past we automatically assume they are saying
something negative to us. You may tune them out or write them off without
really listening to them.
THE SELECTIVITY FILTER
Often we only hear what we want to hear. If the news is painful or unwanted
we manage to screen it out or we pick out only parts of the message, leaving
out any parts we do not like.
PSYCHOLOGICAL NOISE FILTER
Just like a physical noise can interfere with a message being understood, so
can "psychological" noise. Boredom, daydreaming, or anxiety can occupy your
mind when you should be listening. The average person speaks about 125 words
per minute - we can understand at a rate of 300 words per minute. But
sometimes we have our minds on other things and we are not paying attention.
PAST/FUTURE THINKING FILTER
Often we are so busy worrying about what we are going to say or what we
wished we had said that we don't pay attention to what someone is actually
saying right now. This filter is similar to psychological noises. It removes
us from here and now concentration to our inner world.
JACK WEBB FILTER
Remember Dragnet? Jack Webb was the policeman who wanted "The facts ma'am,
nothing but the facts". When this filter is in place, we pay attention only
to the words of a message and screen out any emotional content. We may
listen for tiny details and miss the meaning because we ignore feelings.
ATTITUDES FILTER:
Our beliefs and assumptions about life colour what we see and hear from
other people. If we think 'all women are...' or 'older people can't
possibly...', then we will often have difficulty hearing messages that don't
agree with our stereotypes.
Respectful Communication:
R = Take RESPONSIBILITY for what you say and feel without blaming others.
E = EMPATHETIC listening.
S = Be SENSITIVE to differences in communication styles.
P = PONDER on what you hear and feel before you speak.
E = EXAMINE your own assumptions and perceptions.
C = keep CONFIDENTIAL.
T = TOLERATE difference, we are not here to debate who is right or
wrong.
